First Generation Therapy Seekers: What You Need to Know
At Rising Embers Therapy & Wellness, this is often part of culturally responsive therapy for immigrants, children of immigrants, South Asian and Asian-American clients, and anyone beginning therapy while carrying family, culture, community expectations, and intergenerational stories.
“Some of us are here to be the changemakers in our family system. We’re here to end generational trauma and start passing down love, instead of pain.”
– Sheleana Aiyana
What Is a First-Generation Therapy Seeker?
What is a first-generation therapy seeker? You do not need to be first generation in this country to be a first-generation therapy seeker, you could be someone who has moved here from abroad for work or education, you could be born to parents who immigrated here, and now you have children as well. This is someone who has summoned courage to pause and notice,
What does it mean to truly claim ownership of myself? What do I want to repair, let go of and no longer repeat? What are the gifts and strengths of my community, culture and family I can embrace and what is no longer serving me?
Sometimes, there can also be a feeling of displaced grief if you have noticed that you have made decisions to change your life, and your internal world has caught up to this new reality and needs a space to process these changes. You may be the first in your family to go to therapy, to take the bold step of trying something different to help you along your journey. Many of the women that come to see me may have gone to therapy once or twice for a few sessions, or not at all. They have read about therapy, have an understanding from movies and television what therapy could be, and overall are hesitant and cautious about the experience.
Common Questions Before Starting Therapy
Some common (and welcomed) questions first-generation therapy seekers ask me:
- Will I have to stop speaking to my family if I go to therapy?
- How long will it take to go through therapy? How quickly will I see results?
- Can you talk to my (spouse, parent, partner, etc.) about therapy so they can see the value in it? They don’t support me going.
- What does it mean to work with the body? What does this look like?
- I am tired of having to explain my culture, will you get it?
- What can I expect in sessions?
These questions matter, and they are especially common for clients looking for culturally responsive therapy or a therapist who understands intergenerational trauma, bicultural identity, family systems, and the emotional weight of being the first to do things differently.
Why Therapist Fit Matters
I cannot emphasize this enough: finding a good fit for a therapist is just as important if not more important than the modality the therapist uses. Especially in first-generation therapy seekers, there is often an attachment piece that is so important to build trust and relationship. Note: Modality is the approach or tools the therapist uses to facilitate healing or change. For example, CBT is cognitive-behavioral therapy, Brainspotting, IFS is internal family systems, and somatic therapy is working with the body to reprocess trauma. There are countless modalities out there, you can look up different modalities to see what resonates with you, and you can also check out these modalities with the therapists you are looking at.
Finding a Culturally Responsive Therapist
Take advantage of the consultation process. These are typically no-cost calls in which you can get to know the therapist, share a few things about what you are looking for and see how this person would be able to support you. Think of this as speed dating, you can start to notice how you are feeling on the call and see if this feels like a relationship you can invest in or not. Consultations are designed to ask questions about logistics, costs, modalities/approach, timeline and frequency, and to get an overall impression of this person. It’s encouraged to schedule consultations with multiple therapists to get an idea of who would be a good fit. This goes both ways and the therapist also assesses if you are a good fit for who they work with as well. If they provide a referral to someone else, that often means they know of someone else that may be able to support you better with a specific issue or concern.
Before you begin this process, ask yourself about your commitment to this process. Therapy is not meant to be fast and easy, and also, it is not meant to be forever. Many therapists will have different opinions on this, but you may notice that a therapist is helpful for different seasons of your life. Is there anyone in your life that can support you while you are engaging in therapy? What does it look like to truly engage in this process for it to be effective for you? What would look different in your life, in your body, if you knew this process was working?
Using Your Voice in Therapy
Let’s talk about the therapeutic relationship. You have a voice and choice in this process. For many South Asian, Asian-American folks we are not taught to use our voice in spaces of authority, especially with healthcare professionals. If something is not okay, you can ask the therapist how they would like you to bring this up. This is not a relationship that continues to be a place where you can perform, and be ‘the best client.’
I see that part is there for so many of my clients who want to be sure they are ‘doing well’ in therapy, or perhaps even managing how I experience them as people. This behavior makes sense, and is most likely a big part of how you survived many situations, however, therapy can be a place to start to notice what happens when you don’t have to put in energy into managing the relationship and lean into honesty about what you need. This starts to then become a place to practice what being honest can look like in other relationships in your life as well. I know, easier said than done, but speaking from a place of being both an Asian-American consumer of therapy and someone who facilitates therapy within this population this is real. Be gentle with yourself and notice what comes up as you think about how the therapist can support using your voice in therapy.
Find a therapist that parallels your values and lived experience. This is not another experience to emulate what people are doing ‘out there’ and what is trending. Therapy does not have to look like conventional methods of healing, there are so many ways to bring about healing, repair, relief so you can live your most authentic life.
If you are searching for therapy in Chandler or online therapy across Arizona and Hawaii, finding a therapist who honors your lived experience can help therapy feel less like translation and more like a place to begin.
You deserve to live fully.
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